Coming Out in Framingham, MA

By Ross Hurwitz

I went through all four years of high school with a girlfriend.  I always knew something was different but whether it was denial or something else, I never even thought of coming out.  The summer after I graduated I experimented with a friend and found that all my nicely built walls were starting to crack.

I was at college for a week or so when I said to myself that I couldn't lie anymore.  This was my chance to start over and I couldn't start with another lie.  When I first said anything, it was to my friend Danielle.  Actually i was unable to actually say the words, so i typed them.  She looked at me and laughed and said "duh!  of course you are!"  I didn't think it was that funny at the time.

A week or so later I called my parents because I knew they were in town seeing a show.  I asked them to drive by the dorm and pick me up because I needed to talk to them.  I got in the car and told my dad to drive then thought that him driving was probably not a good idea and told him to pull over.  It was excruciating trying to get the words out.  I felt ashamed, not about being gay, but that I had lied to them for so long.  I mustered my strength and told them.  They were surprised but not upset.  When I thanked them for being so understanding, my dad turned to me and said "Ross, your mother and I have fought for other people's civil rights for years.  Why would you ever think we wouldn't accept and love our own son?" after I stopped crying, my parents dropped me off at the dorm and I suddenly felt, for the first time in my entire life, like I was totally free.  I was never more myself than at that moment!  It was a feeling I'll never forget.

A day or so later I called my aunt to tell her.  There was silence for a moment and I asked if she was OK.  She responded that she was fine but really angry and disappointed.  I asked why and she said "because none of my other nephews had to call me and tell me they were straight"  I think that line sums up the problems with sexuality in our culture.  The fact that I felt the necessity to call my family and friends and tell them.  I couldn't just be... This country has a long way to go. I know we will have reached full equality when the need to "come out" no longer exists.

PS... when I told my girlfriend she was pissed, but is now my best friend!

You just have to love who you love!